meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize