I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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