then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
