Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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