OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
