i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
