my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
