So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
