where am i from again
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
