What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
