I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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