i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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