You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
