The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
