these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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