Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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