Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
