So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
smell my finger.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
