I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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