She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
