Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
