A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm like, not good at living.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
