On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
