I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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