I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
