I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
