party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My feet surprised me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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