Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
