Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its liver damage thursday
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
