It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
