OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
