his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ttyl tear gas
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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