Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
