Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just found puke in my bra..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
