I hate your face
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
