I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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