garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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