i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
