I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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