I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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