dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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