so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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