just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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