he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
