He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
