Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
