he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
