Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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