Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
