He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
