Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
