It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
