sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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