Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the condom got lost in my hair
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
