I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
